so this guy walks into a bar and notices there's a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. the guy says " hey bartender, I'll bet you a $100 bucks I can jump up and grab some meat from that ceiling". The bartender says, "I don't know man, them steaks are pretty high".

Yo my homie told me about this and I watched it and laughed til I passed out. Break Up Letter It's a good time.

My roommate is going to Brazil next week for Carnivale.  He was telling me how he was excited about it.  He's on the couch across from me busy playing online poker.  I told him that Brazil is dangerous and I would look up and read to him articles about why it is.  He said "go for it".

While telling him that Brazil was dangerous and coming up with random statistics i.e. "Hey dude in Brazil 82% of guys are lady boys.  This means they have banging titties but they have tight packages down below.  Like dick and balls"  I was also writing the below:

"Recently my friend returned from Brazil.  He went there for a good time and much needed relaxation.  As most tourists do, he ventured out to the beach.  He got a freshly done male Brazilian Waxing.  He had his ass swinging around in the air while some girl was gripping his ball sack and applying hot wax to his taint.  The rest he claims, was a blur.  He made it all the way down to the beach in a tight neon speedo thong and was walking around with hairy upper legs.  Basically making it look like someone splashed a giant grease fire on only his dick and balls.  So anyways, after a few hours of cooling out he met a pretty girl with a tight body.  She was wearing a tight tube top and a short skirt.  They spoke to each other in their respective languages but hardly understood one another. They walked back to his hotel in the moonlight.  He told me he brought her up the stairs, opened the door and just slammed it shut, once inside he went directly for her ass and popped it in.  After a hardcore 20 or so minutes of pounding he turned on the light and realized he was pounding a lady boy.

That was the worst last week ever."

After writing this, I told him I was reading this directly from the internet and it was someone's blog post about their friend going to Brazil, while my other roommate looked on and agreed that I was reading this from a credible blog.  I hate the word blog but I love pranks.

 

You should have seen the look on his face though.  Haha, Ladyboys.

 

 

So my friend walks into a vegan sandwich shop the other day and this beautiful girl is working behind the counter.  He looks at the horribly misspelled menu and it says "chikkin paurm" and "staike and ch33z3", etc.  He asks "why is everything on this menu misspelled", the girl is like "well this is all vegan food so we don't want anyone to think the real thing is in there".  Well, my friend gets confused because he's already aware it's a vegan restaurant, and being so.. one would know that there were no animal products in the food.  Either way, the bottom of the menu caught his eye.  "Hand Jobs $8" 

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The girl looks up from behind the counter, she's got a pair of juicy c-cups and a tight ass pair of black pants revealing a vegan thong in the back, she licks her lips and says "Yeah, that's me"  He says "want to wash your hands and make me a fucking grilled ch33z3?!!??!??!?!"