While wasting time at work by perusing websites that infuriate me I stumbled across a news article about the Converse shoe company (who are now owned by Nike) and their hip new advertising campaign.

Maybe some of you remember the controversy last year when Doc Martin's (purveyors of footwear for fencewalking skinheads and nu-metal dudes) launched an ad campaign that featured dead rock stars in heaven sporting their weirs.

If I remember correctly the ads in question showed Joey Ramone, Kurt Cobain, and Joe Strummer (amongst others) lounging in heaven decked out in white robes and black docs. Well, the geniuses at Doc Martin's Inc, or whatever conglomerate bought them out in the 90s in the wake of the psychobilly craze, forgot to get permission from the estate of the dead rockers in question. Oopsie!

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I've got a drinking problem. Yes folks it's true, but I'm Irish so it kind of goes without saying that by the end of the night I'll be lying on the floor of a nearby 7-11 singing Pogue's songs and trying to fuck a pack of funny bones.  

But I've had some especially rough nights. Some that might even embarrass the good hard drinking people who share my heritage. I'm talking about the kind of black out drunk where you wake up the next morning and instantly hurl yourself into some introspective nightmare. A nightmare that you are quickly shaken out of by the fact that everything in your kitchen is covered in a thin layer of flour, bloody human excrement, and whiskey.

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Lets Get Tight presents our first foray into filmed sketch comedy written by Coins and Brown Bear, starring #1 Muchacho and Brown Bear.

Some quick Background:

A lot of you probably remember the story about that 17 year old girl disapearing in Aruba last year. Well, recently this video surfaced of some guy confessing to the whole thing (quite disturbing); and his friend caught him on a hidden camera.

Here is the original video. 

But, what if

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Over the weekend I decided to get tight with some friends and play Rock Band; the new hit party game made by dudes who think new Who albums are a good idea.

I took on vocals while three of my lecherous associates wrapped their drug addled brains around guitar, bass, and drums. We went to town, laughing at how seemingly retarded we all were when standing there strapped with instruments in hand pretending to be rock gods.

This all got me to thinking about how lame rock culture is. I'm not sure who's to blame, but growing up I've came to realize that I can't stand the words "rock", "rock and roll", or really any derivative of either. Rock makes me think of shitty bars populated by washed up dickheads in Poison t-shirts or merchandising shitbags like Gene Simmons sucking his own shriveled up balls live on Pay Per View for 39.99. The whole thing is stale and awful and it hurts my dick like New England air in February.

Anyway, back to Rock Band, before you know it all of us are IMMERSED in this silly ass game. I'm belting out Don't Fear The Reaper like I really mean it, pointing at the ladies in the room while shaking my hips and crooning "come on baby," and my buddy playing that shitty toy guitar is pulling some smooth guitar antic posturing that would get your dick ripped off in a just world... And worst of all NO ONE IS LAUGHING.

 
Suddenly, things had gone from "ha, ha" we're dicks and we're too cool for this" to "oh boy, Gray's Anatomy sure is an engaging bit of dramatic television".

 We might as well have been sporting moustaches and cable knit sweaters and vying for the winners circle amongst the rest of the aqua clad dipshits in an intense game of Win Lose or Draw.

 And that's when I realized that I had become an old man and decided to just let loose and shit in my own pants, twice.