All the Rage

Sometimes the mouth can be the most lethal weapon for the career of a celebrity, as is the case right now with Mel "Mad Max" Gibson.  But recorded conversations being leaked to the public is nothing new.  I went back and found all the old recordings of secret celebrity rage from the past few years to put Mel's tape in perspective.  Here's my synopsis:

 

 

Alec Baldwin:  Were we ever so young that we thought it was deplorable that Alec Baldwin would use the word "Pig" and "Phone" so many times in a message to his daughter.  Luckily Alec has more than made up for any social disgrace with 5 amazing seasons on 30 rock.

 

 

Christian Bale:  It's easy to forgot that Christian Bale is British until you hear the accented way that he shouts obscenities at the lighting crew of "Terminator: Salvation."  What can we learn from this tape?  That it's really hard to concentrate when people are moving around near you (ask any professional athlete), and that it takes a lot of work for some actors to suck in a movie.

 

 

Pat O'Brien:  The most romantic of all the leaked tapes.  The "Entertainment Tonight" host entertained us with his choice of words to his co-worker.  The vocabulary was limited to the word "hot" and what type of acts Pat and his wife would perform on this woman, but that's only because Pat O'Brien was so drunk.  The most confusing part of these voice-mails is that it sounds like he is calling from restaurants and shopping malls most of the time.

 

 

Mel Gibson:  His tape has the out-of-context rage that made Christian Bale's tape so scary, it has the bruised ego that made Alec Baldwin's tape so epic, and it has the unrelenting horniness that makes Pat O'Brien's tape so creepy.  The scariest thing about Mel Gibson's rant is that he sounds so sober throughout the whole thing.  While the other tapes are like slowing down to see an accident on the side of the road, Mel's tape is like stumbling on an unspeakable act being performed in an alley that you want to immediately forget.

 

 

Richard Nixon:  Let's not forget about the godfather of all leaked tapes.  With a hotel room full of swears and racial slurs left on the tapes, Nixon had the chance to do what none of the others on this list could, he took out eighteen and a half minutes.  What was said in those lost minutes?  Nixon sex tape maybe?  I like to think he created some new racial slur that spanned multiple cultures and religions, like the avatar-people of derogatory terms.

Comments

[Erin O'Riordan]

Let's put Mel and Christian in the Thunderdome. Two men enter, Christian Bale leaves. Then we can remake 'Braveheart' with Christian in the lead and forget all about that racist, anti-Semitic, misogynistic a$$hole Mel.