Happy Deathday!

So I was going to get you "Scarface" on DVD but I figured lets go the extra mile...LIQUID COCAINE!

Finery like liquid cocaine simply DEMANDS you spring for gift wrapping. Well, that led to quite an excursion in my stationary closet. I sincerely recommend you all get a stationary closet, only way I can keep my neon post-its and trapper keepers straight. Back to the task at hand! So, silly me, I only had Father's Day wrapping paper and here I am like a dope trying to gift wrap your liquid cocaine for a BIRTHDAY present.

Then, I remembered that Labor Day weekend I spent sleeping on your loveseat and making pitchers of Crazy Punch** at noon. So, what could be a more apropos method of transportation for this liquid cocaine than a lovely bottle of rum. Oh, you would have been sweating and twitching in a heap with glee after getting this birthday gift. Then I saw this from Sky News in Britain.  

'Smuggler' Accused Over Drug-Laced Rum Death

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Tragic-Cocaine-Death-Manslaughter-Trial-Begins-Over-Death-Of-Cab-Driver-Lascell-Malcolm/Article/201007315667390?lpos=UK_News_Second_UK_News_Article_Teaser_Region_2&lid=ARTICLE_15667390_Tragic_Cocaine_Death:_Manslaughter_Trial_Begins_Over_Death_Of_Cab_Driver_Lascell_Malcolm

"Lascell Malcolm, 63, was killed after inadvertently drinking a liquid form of the drug, disguised in a bottle of rum which had been given to him as a gift.

The prosecution claim the defendant, Martin Newman, 50, was a drug smuggler whose 'gross negligence' in importing the cocaine makes him responsible for the death."

Don't that beat all! Boy, would my face have been red if I were being charged with your death right now. So I sold the liquid cocaine instead and donated the money to UNICEF in your name, isn't that stellar? Happy Birthday!***

 **Crazy Punch

2 Parts Pirate Themed Rum

1 Parts Dollar Store Brand Crystal Lite Like Fruit Punch Mix

.08 parts Tap Water from Rusting Sink

Drink from large plastic cups handed out by promotions team of Step Up 2 The Streets

 ***Always use the ultimate in caution when smuggling your liquid cocaine, and try not to be a fucking negligent murderer, laying waste to the lives of those around you, thanks. 

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