Wetlands [Book Review]
Thursday, February 25, 2010 at 03:42PM Look out Gents. There's a new girl in town writing for the site. She's going to be contributing book reviews, a column (love/sex) among other things. She's seriously a 10/10 too. I'm not saying this because I know her in person, I'm just being honest. If you saw what she looked like, your head would probably explode. And she's funny as hell, to boot. I give you Steph's first book review for LGT and the beginning of a new era. It's not just boy's fun.
“Wetlands” is the naked Danny Devito of novels. Short, super sexual, disturbing and delightful, this book has sold millions of copies in Europe and is penned by a German woman, Charlotte Rouche, who is part shock artist, part MTV VJ. The story is about 18-year-old Helen who spends the entirety of the book in a hospital because she cut her hemorrhoided asshole while shaving. Still with me? The wackadoodle and straight forward Helen shares with us her sexual history, severe lack of hygiene and proclivity towards ingesting her own secretions. It gets worse. Much, much worse.
This was read over a lunch break at the Coop, it’s only about 200 pages. I found myself skipping entire pages. This has never happened to me before. I remember reading that entire barfy chapter in Ellis’ “American Psycho” where Patrick Batemen subjects a hooker to a hungry and not-so-squeamish sewer rat. That part always made me think about Richard Gere. Can someone clarify the gerbil story? I always assumed he shoved one up his ass in the 1980’s-is that correct? But Helen is not some deviant psycho, she’s just a hairy, horny, hemorrhoided girl trying to get her freak on. A lot. The ultimate foil to The-Bachelor-style-broads who try to wax, douche and crest strip their way into hunks’ hearts. She’s a breath of fresh air, even when dedicating paragraph after paragraph to her own smegma.
Yesterday I found myself back at the Coop buying this perverse little package. I’m meeting with my book club next Thursday and can hardly wait to read pages 127-132 aloud. Much like Lard Ass, I have been waiting patiently to exact my revenge on the nine women who forced me to read “Marley and Me” over the summer. I will have my puke-chain revenge!
Reader Comments (5)
Me and some of my friends down at the shelter were just rapping about writing a schegma book, and now some hi-falutin' Euro has stolen our wind?
I gotta get working on this hobo sexploitation short story before that she-devil steals another idea.
Whoever this new book-reviewin' vixen is, she's caught my interest. Write on playa, write on.
Damn. I want to read this cum festival
I also.. want to read this "cum festival" Well done!
SMEGMA
it's when you have some filth on yer D