Fun With Craigs List
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 06:14PM Below you will find an amazing post from San Francisco Bay Area Craigs List. My homie wrote it and I laughed my goolies off when I read it. Don't get the post wrong fools. The character who wrote this is one of my best friends and my eternal wing man. He and I have put so many pairs of legs behind girls ears that if you totalled it up, you'de wish it was a monetary sum you could deposit in a bank so you could buy a newer model Toyota Avalon on clearance. Don't laugh, I think they cost decent money and besides that's in the thousands. I think my number is somewhere in the twenties. His accounts for the rest of the thousands.
If you know who I'm talking about then you know I'm not kidding either. He has no problems meeting girls, he just can't get enough of fucking them.
For all of our readers in the SF area, holla at him. He will thug you like it's your first day in jail and slip out the door before you wake in the morning.
Basically, Im the best guy you will ever meet. No, seriously.. - 25
Reply to: pers-663165029@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-30, 11:25PM PDT
Hello there.
I am an extremely picky dude, so read each and every section of this ad very carefully. If you go down the list, and realize most of these apply to you, feel free to close this window and go on lurking through the hundreds of other champions who post on this thing. Your loss.
Lets start off..A few things we have to get out of the way first..
LOOKS:
Yes, they actually are important. Go ahead and look in the mirror real quick, be honest, are you attractive? Dont lie. If you arent, thats ok, I just dont ever want to meet you.
Please have nice hair. Im kind of into longer hair, (something to grab onto.. you know), Im not too picky on how you style it, just as long as you care about it a little. Blonde, natural or fake is a plus. Especially that really trashy Blonde with dark roots look.
If you have some dumb indie girl pixie haircut, thats fine, I just think lesser of you as a person, and you are probably sad all the time, which is a huge turnoff. If you have that long,wavy, Mission folk/stoner metal haircut usually sporting some headband, we probably wont get along. Although, Id still like to sleep with you and never speak to you again.
BODY TYPE:
Believe it or not, this matters. If your vegan, that means your probably fat in all the wrong spots. Im not into that one bit. I like a girl who takes care of her body. I am a heterosexual male, so yes, I am into nice boobs and ass, with a slim waist. If you do have a little extra behind, thats fine, we can work with that. Do you have breast implants? Oh, yes? You probably have very low self esteem and are uninteresting. All natural or nothing at all, sorry.
AGE:
If you "look young" then youre doing something right. 18-28 is my general range. If you are under 21, then we probably wouldnt be able to get drunk first and break the ice. So please have a fake ID. Cougars are welcome. But, we cant ever be seen in public. Sorry. I especially like that trashy LA mom look.
RACE:
Im not too picky with this. If you are NOT white, you get some extra points. Europeans are a PLUS. Except for Russians, and Eastern Europeans. Wax your mustache and comb your hair once in a while. If you are South American and can hold a conversation in English, then this can work out. Not into blacks, sorry. But, if you look like Beyonce, Im sure we could work something out. If your NOT from California that is also a plus. That means you don't have an annoying voice and are'nt lazy.
INTERESTS:
If you made it this far, then you probably have something wrong with you. Ok, this is somewhat important. What kind of music do you like? Please reply with your top 5. If you tell me you just LOVE Joanna newsome, devandra banhart, and name off some obscure noisey folk bullshit.. we probably wouldnt get along. I dont want to hang out with a cutter, sorry. If you are covered in trashy tattoos and love Venom, thats fine. But chances are you have 1 or more STD's.
Do you ride a bike to get around, or do you drive? If you drive thats great, then you can pick me up and drop me off whenever. I ride a bike myself. If you ride a fixed gear, you are probably ugly, and should ride into oncoming traffic sometime. Do you smoke ciggarettes? Yea? Thats disgusting. After we make out, I will have the foul taste of smoke in my mouth that wont go away for days, no matter how much Listerine I chug. Id rather go down on you right after youve ran a triathalon. Gross.
STYLE:
Where do you shop? This tells me a lot about you. Do you wander for hours along Union square, trying to find the hottest deals at Forever 21 and Juicy Couture? Im sure youre very attractive, but you are probably lame as shit. If you cake your ugly face in tons of MAC makeup, this is also a turnoff.. I will see you in the morning and your blemishes will be revealed. Keep it simple.
Do you shop at all the vintage stores on Haight every other day, trying to find that PERFECT vintage summer dress, and obscure T shirts that have names of citys you've never been to? We get it, but this isnt 1971. This is 2008, get over it. You're hipster garbage is a dime a dozen. Please, just be yourself, dont try so hard, and well get along just fine. American Apparel spandex and V-necks are also a huge turnoff, and you probably listen to bad dance music, and have the IQ of a retarded 4 year old.
If you read this far, you dont have a life. But if you would like to meet up for a drink at some discreet bar, that would be great. Like the title says, I'm one of the best dudes you will ever meet. Don't drop the ball and pass up the chance of a lifetime. Please respond with 3 or more pictures. I wasnt born yesterday so dont try that myspace "im not fat at all! look" bullshit with me, Ill know if your a SIF (-secret internet fatty). If you have a myspace profile that would be very helpful, so I can see if we have mutal friends first and save ourselves the awkwardness. Im sure ill be getting hundreds and hundreds of replies, so please, make yours stand out, go over it a few times if you have to.
No trannys.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 663165029
Reader Comments (5)
What a prick. It's supper funny though. Brown Bear, you seem to hang out with people just like you.
Haha I really hope this ad works and your numbers go through the roof. Has anyone ever had success with something like this?
Craigslist has been getting people laid for like 20 years now.
I love cougars who wax the snatch.
This "ad" is priceless. I put ad in quotes because it is obviously much more than that. I laughed several times at the vegan part and the fixed gear bike. After living in Allston for a year I was not able to express myself with such eloquence.